It affects virtually nobody

Whatever it was that kept them together


If it happens we’re all going to run out into the streets and throw the biggest party mankind has ever known and instantly catch covid from each other then die on the spot and it will be the end of life on earth as we know it but it will be worth it.

When did you find out about Trump and Melania? Were you online when it happened or did you wake up the next morning like me and instantly roust everyone like a child on the first snow before Christmas? Remember that magical feeling? Like the world was full of wonders.

I think if nothing else what is so weird about this is it feels like the first new day we’ve had in seven months like the page on the calendar has finally turned like time has been constipated throughout the pandemic and finally the backed up pipes have been snaked clean.

Trump blamed the spread on Hope Hicks being unable to stop hugging and kissing all the strong military boys who love him by the way. Hold on I’m thinking about whether or not catching covid from Hope Hicks would be worth it.


Here’s who else we know has it so far besides Hicks: Mike Lee of Utah, Tom Tillis of North Carolina and Kellyanne Conway all of whom were in attendance maskless at the nomination ceremony for Amy Coney Barrett at the White House last Saturday shaking hands and hugging each other and spitting into each other’s mouths like a real sick suck- and fuck-fest.

Look at this clip from the event it’s like a snuff film.

Bill Barr who recently said pandemic lockdowns are the “greatest intrusion on civil liberties in American history” since slavery was there too so… you know… prayers up for the big man.

It should not be overlooked that this event to which Coney Barrett brought her family of unmasked children to mingle with our nation’s most powerful superspreaders was a celebration of how pro-life they all are.

Somewhere in the week’s orgy of beltway grabass Trump’s campaign manager Bill Stepien and Rona McDaniel the chair of the RNC picked up the bug too perhaps in prep meetings for the debate. Chris Christie and others were also in attendance for that.

You may have missed this paid-subscriber-only Hell World from the other day about the debate and some other things.

Before the debate began last night I tweeted that there’s probably going to be a shooting on election day and I hope I’m wrong about that but nothing that came after exactly disabused me of that notion. There was some controversy this week at an early voting spot in Pennsylvania where they wouldn’t let some Trump supporters in to “monitor” what was going on and then the president tweeted about it and I guess the idea is to turn polls into abortion clinics and stand outside and make people think twice about whether or not it’s worth it to go inside.

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Look I know it is my job to come up with the metaphors here but I cannot in fact come up with a more accurate metaphor about Trump’s approach to the pandemic than a video of him likely knowingly exposed at the time hurling disease missiles at his supporters. Here you go! Fuck you! Here’s one for you! Fuck you too!

Perhaps wearing a mask was a good idea this whole time?

I was reminded of this quote from the Great Gatsby by a few people on Twitter:

“They were careless people...they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”

Merriam Webster said the number of people looking up the word schadenfreude spiked 30,500% on Saturday. I’ve never even seen or thought of the concept of something going up 30,500% it doesn’t look right does it that a percentage could be expressed like that? I am however not surprised because there is very good reason to be experiencing that particularly Germanic emotion.

I won’t rehash his entire bungling dereliction of duty when it comes to his approach to the pandemic because we all know it already but I’m sorry Trump getting covid — the guy who just recently said if you take out all the people who died in blue states we weren’t doing so badly the guy who just recently said “it affects virtually nobody” the guy who has consistently refused to wear a mask and has discouraged others from doing so both in the country at large and among his own staff — is very funny. If you don’t understand why it’s funny I don’t know what to tell you.

“Now we know it affects elderly people with heart problems and other problems,” Trump said a couple weeks ago just before that line about it affecting nobody. “If they have other problems, that’s what it really affects. That’s it…” Got some bad news for you there buddy!

And still we’re getting shit like this above from the media’s most cursed and emptiest brains. Civility at all costs.

You can do whatever you want but I’m not personally going to rend any garments over the president and his inner circle coming down with a disease that they’ve done a very good job convincing us all is no big deal anyway. And no I won’t be shamed by any of the very fair and serious minded libs like Smerconish up there or Rachel Maddow who have come out to express their earnest hopes that the president and first lady come through this safely. All of these people have spent the past five years explaining in no uncertain terms that Donald Trump is our Worst American Man and a unique heretofore unseen threat to our democracy and our way of life and an authoritarian Putin stooge hellbent on subverting the rule of law and plundering our coffers for his own benefit. How do you then turn around and wish such a man well when he’s ailing?

Sincerely wishing Hitler Jr. a speedy recovery in the name of Our Proud Nation and Its Values.

Look at this disingenuous trash:

I think maybe the proper analogy here would be delighting in the suffering of the tobacco executives who lied about the dangers of smoking to millions?

This is obviously a real cliche reference and while I’m sure everyone knows it maybe you haven’t listened to “Masters of War” in a while. You should.

Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good?
Will it buy you forgiveness?
Do you think that it could?

I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul

And I hope that you die
And your death will come soon
I'll follow your casket
On a pale afternoon

And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand over your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead

I’m hard pressed to think of a more righteously spiteful and furious song but on the other hand it didn’t work it didn’t do anything to stop wars or greed or the pigs he was singing about back then from passing down their diseased genes to the pigs we have now so I guess never mind music is stupid and doesn’t change anything. It sounds nice though.

In any case no I do not think I will be currently expressing any good will or well wishes for the guy behind unthinkably vile shit like this below and a thousand other things.

That is literal slave catcher wanted posters shit.

Let’s also not forget that Melania was caught on tape essentially saying fuck them kids in a story that came out just the other night. Fuck Christmas too she said which is actually kind of endearing of her and funny. The kids thing was bad though!

“…I say that I'm working on Christmas and planning for the Christmas and they said, 'Oh, what about the children that they were separated?' Give me a fucking break,” she said. “Where they were saying anything when Obama did that?”

Also an accidental good point.

A couple of people were asking where to find this bit from an old Hell World from June of last year so here it is:

Everything is so bad all the time but one thing I like to think about is ol’ Donnie Deals going ah wait I don't feel so good and then he grabs onto the tablecloth at the roast beef carving station and the little dome they have for the roast beef clangs down onto the floor but it doesn’t make a sound because the dining room is wall to wall carpeted and he goes down on one knee and he looks around in panic unsure of what’s happening and everything is silent and the roast beef is getting cold and the bags of Lays potato chips and Heinz mustard packets sit untouched as the harried staff run but not that fast to find a doctor and Donnie slumps and slumps down further onto the floor and Don Jr. is there and he doesn't move for a full minute. The owner of something like Premier Volvo in Overland Park, Kansas jumps into action and tries to perform CPR but he doesn’t know what he’s doing so he’s humping away at his chest futilely. He’s a car dealer not a doctor what does he know and all the doctors that are there are plastic surgeons and they haven’t saved anyone’s life in thirty years and so he's trying to save Mr. Trump and Mr. Trump makes a stinky mud pie in his 75 inch waist pants and one of the turds falls out the leg of his pants and rolls under the table of the owner of a successful racist nail salon and Donnie can't hear the commotion in the room over his pulse it’s pounding so loud and it's so hot the room is so hot now and why is his tie so tight and he cries out with everything he has left inside of him to god or whoever is listening and he says I love the Bible very strongly and no one loves the Boblr more than me I can tell you that and he thinks I’m not ready to go and finally Don Jr. runs up to him unsure of what to do and all he can think of is to shake his father’s hand because that’s the only way they’ve ever touched and his hand is very cold.

None of this means everyone has to go on the record exulting in the suffering of a man who has conspired to further all of our suffering if it makes you personally uncomfortable. I understand why that might make a person feel gross because we are all human beings and have natural empathy for one another. But please do not waste a moment of your life shaming others who will do so for very good reasons. You do not have to post I HOPE HE DIES but you also do not have to post anything about how that sort of thing is harmful or counterproductive or whatever. It’s the most natural thing in the world to welcome the passing of an evil man. Are we trying to make the country and the world a better place or not?

And either way he definitely seems fine like in this very normal video he released last night before leaving for Walter Reed.

Everything is going to be fine. Trump and the rest of them will all make it through. After all it affects virtually nobody.

Ok that’s all for now. I think I shared a Lydia Loveless song in here the other day but I can’t recommend her new album enough. BYE.